The Heart of "I'm Sorry!"

I have three kids and there is a lot of fighting sometimes...A LOT! With all that fighting come many half hearted apologies.

"Sorry!" will be mumbled

as the huff off to their room

with their arms crossed

feet stomping on the floor

can be common with kids (well mine anyways).

My hubby and I are always trying to teach them what is a meaningful apology. However, I think that sometimes what we teach gets lost in the heat of "Mom, she hit me...But she hit me first" scenarios.

One of my kids is a junior high girl. (Yikes, I can't believe I just wrote that! Time is flying and I better be paying attention.) Like all good junior highers, she had a melt down last Sunday morning. I was trying to be sympathetic, she did stay up for New Years Eve. She was being a bear and crossed several lines as we were getting ready for church. She ended up getting grounded for the day. I hate doing that; but, I had to do it. Let's just say it was a very frustrating first morning of the New Year. All I could think was "Good morning 2012, I have a pre-teen...ugh!"

Man, what a morning! At church I was getting the cold shoulder from her. Then something quite special happened. I reached over and put my hand in hers. Thankfully, she didn't push it away. A few moments later, I felt her writing something with her finger on my hand. She wrote out, "I'm sorry". If I wasn't paying attention, or let the tickling movement of her finger annoy me or decided it was nothing...I would have missed a precious moment with her.

I don't know what caused her heart to change. I know it wasn't because I made her apologize. Maybe it was something the pastor said or it was a song that we sang that changed her heart. Or maybe...just maybe...she allowed the Holy Spirit speak to her heart. I will never know. I do know that she felt sorry and it was from her heart even if it came in the form of little scribbles on my hand. I leaned over (trying not to tear up) and whispered in her ear, "I forgive you."

I have been thinking about what happened between my daughter and me over the last few days. I have been challenged by her. I have been challenged to ask for forgiveness when I have wronged someone. I have learned to let go of my anger and make things right. I have learned that even if it is hard or hurts do it .....anyway I can.

I tried all morning at church to reach out to her, even when I knew she wanted to have nothing to do with me. I tried little things. I tried big things. I just decided to be there when she was ready.

And then God showed me that He is like that with us. He wants to forgive. He is waiting to forgive. He does everything in His power to provide us an opportunity to receive His forgiveness, His love, His compassion.

Romans 5:8

⁸ But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

If all we can do is scribble "I'm sorry" under the weight of our guilt and shame; He doesn't wait to whisper to us, "I forgive you!" In fact, all of heaven rejoices when one sinner repents and comes to Christ.

Luke 15:7

⁷ I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.

God's love is big and wide. No matter what you have done or how bad it seems, God wants to forgive you and have a relationship with you. All we need to do is say, "I'm sorry!"

John 3:16

¹⁶ For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

God's forgiveness is what helps me....

GET JOY!

Awakening

One of my favorite songs is this one by Sara Groves. I love the words in this song. It really speaks to me as a pastor's wife and that I need to focus on how real Jesus is and how I need to make Him real in my life. Here is a video of the song. It is not Sara singing but this girl does a great job singing it. Don't forget to pause the music below.


Dress down your pretty faith. Give me something real.
Leave out the thee and thou and speak to me now.
Speak to my pain and confusion.
Speak through my fears and my pride.
Speak to the part of me that knows I'm something deep down inside.

I know that I am not perfect, but compare me to most,
In a world of hurt and a world of anger I think I'm holding my own.
And I know that you said there is more to life.
And I know I am not satisfied.
But there are mornings I wake up and I'm just thankful to be alive.

I known now, for quite a while, that I am not whole.
I've remembered the body and the mind, but disected my soul.
Now something inside is awakening,
Like a dream I once had and forgot.
And it's something I'm scared of and something I don't want to stop.

And I woke up this morning and realized that Jesus is not a portrait.
Or stained glassed windows or hymns or the tradition that surrounds us.
And I thought it would be hard to believe in, but it's not hard at all.
To believe I've sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God.

And He's not asking me to change in my joy for martyrdom
He's asking to take my place.
To stand in the gap that I have formed
With His real, and His sweet, and His real amazing grace.

And it's not just a sign or a sacrament.
It's not just a metaphor for love.
The blood is real and it's not just a symbol of
It's not a sign or a sacrament.
It's not just a metaphor for love.

The Blood is real and it's not just a symbol of,
It is real, it's not just a symbol of,
His blood is real, it's not just a symbol of
your faith.

So leave out the thee and thou and speak now.

Guilt and Shame

I John 1
5This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all.
6If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth.
7But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.
8If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.
9If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
10If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives.
I John 2
1My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One.
2He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world.

My husband preached this passage on Sunday. I was in kid's church and I just finished listening to it today. It is so awesome that when we sin, Christ forgives us. I love how it says it in chapter two verse two; He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins.

Atoning means to make amends or reparation(restoration to good condition), as for an offense or a crime, or for an offender.

When I ask God for forgiveness he restores me to a good condition, new again. He is truly great.

God has been showing me a few things about how I view myself. I was given this paper about Shame and Guilt; and on it are a few things I would like to share with you.

Guilt=I made a mistake (That is an action)
Shame=I am a mistake (That is a feeling)

Guilt- Painful feelings when behavior is different from a person's value system
Shame-Painful feelings when there is a difference between who I should be and who I really am. (Bigger the difference, Bigger the shame)

Guilt
Person retains the ability to choose; they retain their right or belief they have a choice.
Behavior is judged; not personhood.
Internal judgment counts
Boundaries are clear
Forgiveness is available

Shame
No choices available and the person does not feel "safe" because their personhood not their behavior is at stake
Judges personal worth(the personal "I" of "me" is unworthy)
External judgments count, i.e. what others think is most important
Boundaries are vague
No forgiveness available (perfectionism)

There are three types of dysfunctional systems in which guilt and shame are most prominent:
Drug/ alcohol addiction
Abusive relationships
Religious rigidity

Rules of a shame based system
Do it right
Do it right every time
If you can't do it right, blame someone else.
If you can't do it right, it must be wrong.
If I do it wrong, I must be defective.
I must use my defenses to protect my defectiveness.
Rules are implicit and secret.
Rules are implied and oppressive; people are expected to live by them, but no one knows what they are.
Behavior counts, but personhood does not.

I have been living over in the shame side for far too long and God has been peeling back the layers of my heart. He is restoring me to that new condition. It is funny how we are so much harder on ourselves than God is. Don't get me wrong sin has no place in our lives; but if we do succumb to sin God's forgiveness is available for us.

I drew this picture in college to remind me of God's grace. God forgives me but for some reason I keep reminding Him of my shame.


My husband later in his sermon took a look at Paul. His life is a perfect example of one who could have let his shame keep him from doing the great things God called him to do. He persecuted Christians. He put them to death. Yet, in Christ great mercy and grace forgave Paul and used him to bring the Gospel to the world.
John invited Gladwin High School to sing a song they worked on. It is entitled the "Conversion of Saul". 30 students joined us from the high school and finished John's sermon. The beginning of the song is in Latin and its words mean hatred, condemnation, persecution. Then the song shifts into Paul's conversion half way thru and the mood is changes to that of repentance, grace and mercy. Here is another choir singing the song our church heard on Sunday. (Don't forget to pause the music on the side)

If God can forgive one who killed followers of Christ, then who am I that He can not forgive me. What joy there is in knowing that I can go to the very throne of God and there is Jesus atoning for my sin. He loves me and He so deeply loves you.

He has taken my shame and replaced it with grace!





GET JOY!

Proverbs 24 "Spiritual Scrub Down!"

One fall we were cleaning out our gutters. I had forgotten to put my rusty garden rake away. I had left it prongs up, laying in the grass. As I was carrying the junk from gutters to a pile, I of course did not see the rake and stepped on it. Ouch! I was wearing crocs and the prong went right through the bottom. Ouch!

I decided I needed to go to the ER because it was a rusty rake and I had not had a tentnus shot in a long time. While I was at the ER they told me that the bigger problem was the rubber in my shoe that might be lodged in my foot. Apparently, rubber in a open wound is far worse than a rusty rake. Who knew? So, to make sure there was not any in there they had to SCRUB out my wound. I thought the rake in the foot was bad enough, WOW I was about to be very, very wrong.

The male nurse, who in my opinion was a very mean man, began to scrub like he was scrubbing a really burnt pan. I also think he was having a bad day and taking it out on me. If I were not a nice person, I think I would have kicked him with my other good foot. Seriously, I have given birth to three children...it hurt not as bad but it hurt. Anyways, after griping the sides of the bed and almost passing out my blessed foot was clean. Praise Jesus!

God reminded me of my stupidity as I was reading today's passage from Proverbs. I will have to remember to thank Him for that later. As I was reading, God began to reveal some things in my heart that I was doing. He began to give me a spiritual scrub down. It is the kind of revelation that brings me to my knees in repentance. Because, verses 17 & 19 is what I was doing.

17 Do not gloat when your enemy falls;
when he stumbles, do not let your heart rejoice,

18 or the LORD will see and disapprove
and turn his wrath away from him.

19 Do not fret because of evil men
or be envious of the wicked,

20 for the evil man has no future hope,
and the lamp of the wicked will be snuffed out.

Ouch! I am once again reminded that God is always weighing our motives. He is peeling back the layers of our heart to get to the very core of who we are. Sometimes, it is so painful; the wounds we have go so deep. But God is cleaning the wound so that it can heal. We can not leave any rubber behind that might cause deadly infection. Sometimes God's scrubbing can hurt so bad; but it is for our own good.

He also reminded me that I need His strength.

10 If you falter in times of trouble,
how small is your strength!

11 Rescue those being led away to death;
hold back those staggering toward slaughter.

12 If you say, "But we knew nothing about this,"
does not he who weighs the heart perceive it?
Does not he who guards your life know it?
Will he not repay each person according to what he has done?

I have been so caught up in my "woe is me" mentality that I have forgotten the calling, my calling, of verse 11 & 12. Rescue the Perishing! Those who do evil against me are also perishing. I have been selfish.

I think I have a better understanding of David today and why he is a man after God's own heart. Here we have a King, and generations after generations, we know the sin he committed. He was and adulterer and a murderer. But yet, we read His prayers of repentance. His songs of grief for his sin he had committed.

What has been my purpose in writing these blogs about proverbs? It is not because I am a great writer, I hated grammar in school. I thought it would be a great challenge, my thoughts to leave with my children and my grandchildren, to now it has become a personal journey of repentance and reconciliation with my God, just like David. God always wants to do more in us if we give Him the opportunity. I am reminded of a saying my mom always liked, "God loves me just as I am; but He loves me too much to leave me that way!"

And with that I will...
GET JOY!

Check out my friends perspective on Proverbs 24!