Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Fake Me, Real Me!

I think I have suffered from a disease for the last 15 years, pastor wife-itis also know as perfectionism.  I don't think it is contagious....well maybe it is.  I don't think only pastor wives can catch it either....they are just really susceptible to it.

Symptoms are as follows:

  • Feelings that they must be happy all the time.
  • A need to say the right things at the right times.
  • Appearance may look to perfect at times.  
  • Hair is never gray or out of place.
  • Tendency to feel the need to know more about God than others; because it is expected.
  • May expect too much of children.
  • Appears to never shows anger towards husband...lovingly supports him ALL the time.
  • Appears to have hour long devotions and rich relationship with God.
  • Actually is turning into Mary Poppins! Carries a large stuffed purse and black umbrella to fight off anything that might catch her off guard.     
  • Perfectly, perfect...all together...all the time!

(Because that is what we as Christians are suppose to be 24/7...right?!)


Any of the following and can be a result of more than one....
  • Idealistic expectations placed on her by herself or others.
  • Insecurities
  • Need to Control
  • Selfish ambition
  • Pride
  • Fear


  • A God shaped pill!

Okay, now I meant that to be funny.  But, God has been examining my heart the last couple days and has shown me some of my sickness.

I realized my sickness a few Sundays ago when my hubby and I were having a disagreement in church before the service started.  Yup...people...arguing right in the sanctuary...oh the shame of it all.  A wonderful unsuspecting pastor greeted us right in the middle of said argument.  And immediately I was struck by my sickness.  My mask went on my face and pretended nothing was wrong.  Now, for the poor pastors sake, he did not need to be in on my drama.  I spared him of that, thank goodness.  But, after he left I was stunned at how good I was at being "fake" me.  I mean... I am really good at it.  As fast as one can say Bibbty-Bobbity Boo...I was changed in to beautifully, happy ME!  I found that disturbing.  I came to the conclusion that I am good at it because I have practiced it A LOT.

Now, I have been asking God about it and of course He began to show me what I was doing to bring about this fake mask that could so easily put on.  I was pouring myself through my own filter every time I walked into church or anywhere really.  I only wanted people to see what I thought they should see.  I wasn't really caring about what God wanted at all.  I only wanted everything good about me to be seen, none of the bad stuff...ever!

However,  God began to show me a better way.  He wanted me to run through His filter...His hands.  He reminded me that He was creating me into the woman of God He wanted me to be.  He knows all my imperfections, my dirt, my shame, and my scars.  He is not surprised by them.  He is not ashamed of me.  He sees all the value of me; because He loves me.  He uses me just as I am and is changing me every day for His glory.  I only need to allow Him to filter me.  When He filters me, He determines what is beautiful and uplifting.  He pours in all that is good into my life.  He pours Himself into me.  He is able to show His redemptive real work in my life as a living testimony of a life changed.  I need not be ashamed of His work.  In fact, His filter brings Him glory.  My filter only brought me glory.

Now, I am not playing down the need to live a holy life, quite the opposite is true.  I don't want to pretend to live a holy life anymore.  I want the struggle, the realness of yielding a life to Jesus every day.  I want the real me God intends me to be to shine!  That is a life that declares all of His Glory and His Ability!

Help me recover Lord!
 May I always run through Your filter!
I'm going to go take my God shaped pill now!

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