Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Dear Moms and Dads of Girls,

This is a little longer than my normal post.  So, get a cup of coffee, that chocolate you have stashed for a rainy day, and take some time to read this very important post.  
I have been meaning to write this post for some time now.  I feel impressed to get it out now.  My heart has been deeply concerned about the state of our young girls.  My husband and I have been youth pastoring for 15 years now and we have seen a lot change over the years regarding our young daughters. I am talking just about girls raised in Christian homes in this post.  However, If you are not a Christ follower there are some really great things you can glean from this as well.   

My daughter is in the sixth grade and she goes to a public junior high school.  This year one of her close friends (we will call her Amy for the sake of this post) is being bullied.  Her friend Amy has been told that she should sleep with her boyfriend; because that is what you are just supposed to do.  Amy has been told she should start drinking.  Amy has been ‘hit on” by this girl bully.  Because Amy has decided to take a stand and not participate in these things, she is being bullied all at the age of 12. 

This post is not about what the media portrays women should look like.  This post is not about our over sexualized youth.  It is not about the internet or even peer pressure.  It is about what are we doing about raising our beautiful daughters to be strong women of God.

Time and time again, John and I are helping girls deal with breaking up with their boyfriends and they are barely 13.  We constantly see girls who are already defeated by what the world thinks of them.  We hear of girls who trade in their values just so they can feel loved.   We constantly see a battle in them about who they are in Christ and with the world.  The age of the start of these problems is getting lower and lower.  Moms and dads it is time to wake up and start teaching our girls to find their value in Christ.

Parents we need to be aware, actively aware.  We have found that parents are just not paying attention.  Recently, in our youth group we asked, “How many of you know someone who is sexually active now or has been?”  Out of a room of 25, more than half jr. highers, 80% of them raised their hand.  These are church kids, in middle America, in a small town.  I would dare say that more than half of our youth have unmonitored access to internet.  Most of our kids in our youth group barely know why they believe what they believe. Junior highers are asking questions I would never even have thought of when I was in high school.  Go here to check out some of those questions.  Our kids are growing up in a very different world; but our God never changes.

Okay, Christina so what do we do about it?  I think we need to teach them some very key attributes. 

Modesty is more then just not wearing short skirts and low cut shirts.  Modesty is about how your daughter sees herself.  Too many girls do not see their body as an act of worship.  Our bodies are to bring glory to God, not to get attention from people.  I love this verse...

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold and fine jewelry and fine clothes. Instead it should be that of your inner beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is of great worth in God's sight! I Peter 3:3-4

Every girl needs to find their Identity/Value in Christ alone.  If we look for value from others, we will only leave empty.  Christ fills our void.  He gives us purpose.  He created us.  He knows us.  We are precious to Him!
Psalm 139:14-18
 14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
      Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
 15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
      as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
 16 You saw me before I was born.
      Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
   Every moment was laid out
      before a single day had passed.
 17 How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
      They cannot be numbered!
 18 I can’t even count them;
      they outnumber the grains of sand!
   And when I wake up,
      you are still with me!

True Beauty/Purity only comes from a life yielded to Christ.  When we allow Christ to make us new, He comes in and does a clean sweep.  He makes beautiful from the inside out.  We radiate because the light of Christ lives in us.  I tell girls you can be beautiful to the human eye on the outside; but really ugly on the inside. The ugly on the inside will then overshadow the beauty on the outside.   Fear the Lord and you will be beautiful to Christ!

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praise. 
–Proverbs 31:30

You daughter needs to know that she is a part of God’s Plan.  Too many girls are only living for themselves, mostly because at such a young that is what they are able to understand.  They live in the moment, not thinking about consequences.  As parents we need to teach them that God has a perfect plan for them.  Each girl needs to learn to listen to the voice of the Lord. He will guide them.  He will lead them to the good life He has for them.

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.-Jeremiah 29:11

Thoughts can bring life and death to our girls.  I asked about 60 girls what they thought about themselves when they look in the mirror. Here are just some of the answers I heard:   fat, ugly, stupid, unloved, hate, not good enough, dumb, useless, worthless, nothing, the list went on and on.  (You can read my blog about it here)  What does your daughter say to herself?  Have you ever asked her?  Hopefully, she knows exactly what God says about her.  If not, help your daughter to understand how God sees her and begin to help her change her thoughts.  Here is a great verse for that….

 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. –Philippians 4:8

Mom and Dad your daughter is desperate for you to lead them, to help them, and to love them.  We need to intentionally encourage them.   As parents we also need to be the main adult presence in their precious lives.  That may mean Mom you take some time and sit down with your daughter and talk to her about how she sees herself.  Dad it may mean taking sometime out of your busy schedule and take that lovely girl out on a date.  Mom and dad it is time to be examples of Christ followers.  They are watching and learning from you.

It is time to wake ourselves up from our slumber; we need to realize that we need to parent our girls.  We need to do it now, even at a very young age and even if we have missed out and they are older.  It is never to late.  We need to actively train our girls in the Lord.  We need to teach them God’s ways.  We need to pray for them.  We need to help them become the strong Godly woman that Christ desires for them to be.

Your girl can change the world!
I love this song


  1. What a beautiful treasure a daughter must be (I am a mom of 2 boys). I pray more moms and dads of girls read this post and realize the truth in your words. My prayers go out often for the girls my boys will marry. God help us all be aware of our children's hearts and minds!

  2. Christina,
    You are right on!!


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